So drunk its hurt
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
