who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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