TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
