i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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