I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
