So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
