I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
