6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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