a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
