I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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