D3 body, D1 cock
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
