Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
