News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
