dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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