i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can you bring me the toilet please
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
