My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
