dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize