The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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