she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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