Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
