i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
