My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
