went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
