Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We just shotgunned beers for America
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
