I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
