1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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