she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
