I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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