Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize