Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
