You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
