i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
