Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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