If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
