sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
