Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
