Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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