Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
