He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
