I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We're too hungover to prance.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
