I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He did a backflip because drugs
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