And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
