i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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