He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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