so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
