Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
