I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it wasn't lemon gatorade
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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