I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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