So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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