You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize