just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize