I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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