also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize