There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
