don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize