We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it's like iHOP with fire
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
