I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize