Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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