Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
