I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
