just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
