My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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