You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
