Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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