I like to think it a success when the cops are called
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
