so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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