her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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