if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
