I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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