life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
