note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
