Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Randomize
