i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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