Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
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