I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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