They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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