Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
pray to the hookup gods
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
