Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
True strength comes from lack of pants
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
