So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
