I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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