I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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